I just saw a commercial on Cartoon Network for GirlsInc.org - wow. It was great. It was about a girl sitting in her regular clothes in gym class while everyone else was in the pool. She says how she isn’t swimming because she isn’t comfortable being seen in her bathing suit (hmmmm… I’ve been there!) and then she goes on to say how she started thinking what her friends at Girls Inc. would say. Then they show her with 3 friends (in bathing suits) and they ask her if she is going to sit on the sidelines throughout life. They (wisely) tell her that it doesn’t matter how she looks - it matters how she *feels*. They then show her jumping in to the pool with everyone else. It says on the site (full article there) that “Instead of going on a diet, Deidra Brown - at 5-feet-10 and 264 pounds - decided to star in and help produce a national public service announcement aimed at inspiring girls around the country to accept and appreciate their bodies - no matter what their size.” What a great message!

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it. - Michelangelo

I like that quote. I have been thinking a lot lately about my goals - and setting higher ones. I just commented to someone yesterday that I think the head boss’s expectations of me are lower then my abilities. Then I went to meet with our new sales director (my direct boss now - she started on Thursday) and she made a comment that basically matched that - that she could sense that I felt that way. Woooo. She took that Keirsey test yesterday too, and her results were the same as mine! So here the results for me were that I am a “rather rare, say two or three percent of the population” and I get one for a boss! I have a good feeling about her, although I still wonder what “the plan” is for the future. The winds of change are in the air - but I’m ok with that. I deal with things better if I can see the big picture, the end goal. Then I can see my place in the picture much more clearly and I work more efficiently.

My parents had a garage sale Thursday & today (Thursday is the big garage sale day around here, that’s when the die-hard garage sale hunters are out). I made $110.00. (Giving $20 to my son for selling some of his toys) Such a nice feeling to sell stuff that we don’t need anymore and make some money off of it. I used part of the money I made to go get my hair cut this morning. I have bangs now! Yeah! I needed a change, so we cut light bangs that I can blend into the rest of my hair if I want them to disappear. I like them! I am really glad I did it. New look will be on the cam on Monday. I haven’t put a new hard drive in my PC at home yet, so the cam stays at the office for now.

I forgot to pull the images off of my photo CDs when I was at work yesterday. The CD player in the laptop won’t read a “burned” CD so I can’t pull them off here. I do have other images though that I want to add to the site, so I think I will work on that tonight. Yes, fun exciting Saturday night, I am going to watch DVDs that I borrowed from Steven back on St. Patrick’s Day. “What Dreams May Come” and “Meet Joe Black”. I have seen them both before, but it has been awhile. I saw them both on video, so I didn’t get that full “widescreen” effect. Also I think I am going to try to call one of the guys I have been exchanging e-mails with later on tonight. Have to get myself into that social chatty frame of mind. I know, seems hard to believe that I have to psych myself up for that, but I do. I talked with a different guy last night - it went really well. We talked for *two* hours. He seems really nice, and I may get to meet him in person tomorrow depending on how our schedules work out. I am excited - and nervous!

I am glad I have started talking to the “ad guys” again - I am feeling a lot better then I did a week ago. I have talked to the IO since our little talk on Wednesday. But he isn’t giving up the chicky-poo, he isn’t motivated to try to work things out with us, and I need to move on. I was upset about things on Wednesday, but after time to step back and look at whole picture I started to feel better. Like I said then - I could understand how he felt. I just have to accept it, and I am doing pretty well. Today’s horrorscope is pretty cool (courtesy of the MSN Home Page):

The only thing that stays the same is change, Libra. At this time last week, you were worried about things that you’ve easily solved. By this time next week, you could be gearing up for a major life event. You never know what is headed your way, but the Moon’s current Sign does everything in its power to help you chart and appreciate your progress. Try to keep a written log of everything you want to accomplish in the next few days.

Hmmmmm… written log. Blog. Interesting. Off to watch TV with Jason - they are showing the “Star Wars: The Magic of Myth” exhibit that is at the Museum of Fine Arts right now. Too cool! We are going to have to head down there and check it out.

I took the Keirsey Temperament Sorter Test today for my new boss. I found the results simply amazing. The results were *so* on target. We paid for the full test results. You can take the test for free but you only receive a description of your Temperament free of charge. You can find out if you’re an Artisan, Guardian, Rational or Idealist. Then you can obtain the full Character Description for your type (written by David Keirsey) complete with color charts, career tips, relationship advice and more . The full results were $9.95 and 10 pages long. Want to know something interesting? I am an ENFP - but barely an “E” (Extrovert) - the dividing line is at 5, and I scored a 6, barely passing the line. Naomi is and INFP. Whoa. So close. I new she was a great person, now I know why! *wink*

Portrait of the Champion (ENFP)
Idealists (NFs) share the following core characteristics:

- Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
- Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
- Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
- Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world.

The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can`t wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types. Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what’s possible.

Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likeable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

A life lived completely on your terms excludes the riches and complications that others will always bring.

Courtesy of InfoSpace, yesterday’s horrorscope. I find it way too ironic, considering last night’s events…

Why are you holding on so tightly, Libra? You may be so intent on getting what you want that you haven’t even noticed that your knuckles are turning white and your hand is cramping. It’s necessary for you to loosen your grip on what isn’t yours to use. Later in the day, the Moon’s current Sign reminds you of other neglected obligations. Do your best to strike a reasonable balance with a difficult associate. The right gesture has the power to start this evening off on the right note.

I was pretty upset last night. Today is a whole new day. I understand. I am sad in a way but ok with it too. I don’t think his decision is written in stone, and I don’t know that I want it to work anyways. I think we could be friends, but I don’t know if I want us to be. I would have to see him dating others, etc. and I don’t know if I could do that. And the same goes for him. He has had a “taste” (like me) of a relationship without our issues. He isn’t sure if he wants to go back to the issues. Which I understand. I told him it hurt though because I felt like he was saying that I wasn’t worth it. But we ended up talking more and I realized that wasn’t how he felt - this has been a hard call for him too because he does care. He isn’t 100% w/ his choice, but feels that is the right route to go, “for now” to quote him. It goes back to what I said last week - that he has to come to me when the time is right for him, when he is motivated & has the desire. Right now there is a part of him that wants to work things out, but after 2 months of telling himself to move on he can’t stop & reverse that thinking immediately. I have been through similar thoughts although not the same. I am also not sure if I want the drama, etc. - I think we could do things better with counseling to help us overcome issues from our past but… Time will tell. I was consumed with fear from Aug. - Dec. - convinced it was just words that he wasn’t going to make reality. I said that last night - if I hadn’t broken up with him back in January we might be married by now. Ironic, huh? Then again, maybe not. He may have found more excuses… My vibe? That the latter is more likely, especially with my mood in January. I know I did the right thing by walking. I am still annoyed that he couldn’t pick up the phone “because I broke up with him.” Funny though, he says it was my e-mail in January that set all of that off - yesterday I found the e-mail that he sent that prompted my response. It wasn’t all me. I had forgotten all about his e-mail to me though.

So, time will tell. I am keeping all of my options open and going back to taking more time for me. I know things will all work out. I feel better also because I do feel some closure on the whole IO situation - before I felt like I had left things with so many loose ends. I don’t like that feeling. So at least I have more peace in that sense - it hasn’t all been in vain.

Found over at Much Ado About Nothing - another Christine:

As Christine you seek change, travel, new opportunities, and new challenges. Your active, restless nature demands action and you dislike system and monotony. As you are versatile and capable, you could do any job well, although you would not like to do menial tasks. Having considerable vision, you could be adept at formulating new, more effective ways of doing things. You could organize the work of others, though in your impatience to see the job done efficiently, you would likely step right in and do it yourself. You could work well in sales and promotion, and would not be afraid to risk a gamble as the name gives you much self-confidence. You do not find contentment in the routine tasks and responsibilities that are associated with home and family or with administrative detail in the business world, so you have to guard against frustration and even moods of depression over your personal responsibilities. The restlessness this name creates could find an outlet in caustic, irritable expression. Also, the intensity of your nature could result in tension in the solar plexus causing stomach trouble and, because you take your responsibilities seriously you could experience much worry.

Hey Julie - it’s ok to be stressed and take some time off. The whole point of this is to write *for you*. And like I learned a few weeks ago, sometimes you have to take some time for you. We know that life is out there doesn’t stop. We come to read because we enjoy it, because we care. We’ll be here when you’re ready…

Speaking of being ready - interesting developments with the IO tonight. To make a long story short (unusual for me) he has decided he doesn’t think it will ever work, and he doesn’t want to continue “trying”. I am going through a lot of emotions. Part of me is sad. I care about him, I have missed him. Part of me is relieved - I have an answer. I know it is foolish to think that we could be any better then we were before. I know that, I know better. I’ll be ok, just need some me time to think for now…

BlogVoices have gone away. I think they are really slowing the site down a lot, and I can’t handle it. If I am wrong and that isn’t what the problem is, I’ll bring them back. Meanwhile, e-mail me if you have something to say. I love to get e-mail, as long as it isn’t spam!

I love my horoscope for today… (From Infospace)
There’s no reason to think about anything other than your next immediate step, Libra. If trying to contemplate what the future holds bothers you, forget about it for a while. As the Moon drifts slowly into a new Sign, your best protection is the visible attitude that you can take care of yourself. Anyone who thinks that you owe an explanation had better tell you why. In your world right now, the only higher power you have to answer to is your own conscience.

Wow. With all the IO stuff going on - it’s too perfect. It actually goes pretty well with what I told Naomi over lunch. (Original Pasta Company … tasty) I have to go on living my life. I refuse to fret over what on earth he plans on doing - because I can’t do a thing about it, and when I worry I tend to only make things worse for everyone. I know he cares about me (and I care about him) - we have had significant roles in each other’s lives for 8 years. But we both have to decide if we should stay or move on. But for now, all I will worry about is the next immediate step. Forget about worrying about the future, let others see my attitude that “I can take care of myself”. That is definately the best approach. He will either appreciate me or it won’t matter because I will be strong with that attitude. It’s a win-win approach. Either way, I have to do what’s best for me. I am in a great mood today because I haven’t been *worrying* about things. Thinking about them - but that is just different. I am happy. (Nice break after the stress of the past 2 weeks!)

This webcam thing is soooo fun. I know, I know, easily amused. It’s a quirk. Or a perk. Depends on how you look at it. LOL

Live today on the webcam… Me! Once I get it all configured, set up in the right spot & everything else it will go live. I am so excited.

This almost makes up for the fact that my TiVo is freaking out. It keeps freezing, and I have to recycle the power to get it “unstuck”. Then last night when I did that it just came up on the black “Almost ready…” screen. It never went any further. I am so mad. I finally rewired everything today so that I can record with my VCR tonight. I am still far from happy. And of course it went down just after 11pm CST last night, and the TiVo customer support group that I needed closed at 11pm. Augh!

Whoo hoo! Another Christine. I like finding people that share my name online. Ok, so - I am easily amused. Oh well.

Miles tried to turn off my lamp on my desk before we left the office - he would have killed the Betta cam! I can tell they turned off the overhead lights though, and the glare is strong. I am just happy that I got the cam set up finally and it is working!

Look at what I *finally* got added! The webcam! Yeaaaah!!! Now I just need a new hard drive at home. For not it is at the office, and it is watching the betta for tonight. Thanks to Bill for getting it tweaked to work for me! I am so excited! I can go home now after finally getting this all set up. Kudos to ConquerCam for their cool software that I am using to run the cam. A new image uploads every 2 minutes… the fish isn’t that exciting, every 30 seconds seemed a bit fast.

Watching the Oscars. I had to miss part of it to record Queer as Folk. Turned it back on in time to see Ben Affleck announcing the clip of Traffic, up for Best Picture. Ummm… Ben. Forget to brush your hair? Need a razor??? What’s up with that? And Bjork’s dress… the swan thing. ACK! Bob Dylan just won for his nominated song “Things Have Changed” from “Wonder Boys”. Pretty cool - he looked shocked. I like the song - may have to go visit Napster to get a copy.

Went out again on Friday with the IO. Had a good time, but some of the old tension was back. But overall, good time, ended on a positive note. Then I innocently approached him with a question yesterday that I thought would be fine - I set off a bomb. Memories flooded back in my mind. I don’t like having to tip-toe around, and I won’t do it. That was the issue back in January and many times before. Is it so wrong of me to want to know *how* he can go on & on about how he loved me & wanted to marry me 3 months ago but now he isn’t even sure he wants to date me? It is the question that goes through my mind constantly. I just don’t understand. Sigh. I talked with American Tom tonight. He is such a great guy - I like talking to him (maybe because he lets me babble) He said it would be “twisted” if I got back together with him. I know Naomi, Kymberlie and everyone else in my life thinks the same. Why is it that I am so drawn to him? Maybe he was right on part of it - I don’t want anyone else to have him. Or there is the other issue - for 8 years I have believed that we could make it work. Then there is the comfort thing. Dating sucks. It is “easier” to be with him. You know what though? Yesterday wasn’t easy. I haven’t missed that heartache at all in the past 2 months. Not one single bit. He would probably say the same - he hasn’t missed the frustration, which in turn causes him heartache too. Matter of fact, that is what he snapped at me yesterday - that we had had such a good time Friday night and then “I set things so far back” by “ruining it” by pressuring him to make a decision. Umm… takes two to tango baby, and your attitude flipping out at me definately set things back too. And I wasn’t asking for a decision, I just keep asking myself the same question over and over. Aaauuuggghhh!!! I hate not knowing what to do. I hate indecision even though I am indecisive. (I know, I know. Whatever.) I want to move forward with my life, one way or another. Oh, and if you’re wondering - he saw chicky-poo last night. Had dinner with her & her family (parents, siblings, kids) and then she was there when I called him to ask him about his camera that I borrowed for the overnight at Space Center Houston. I didn’t know until today that she was there. Poor chicky-poo, I am sure she has no idea. He won’t burn that bridge until he figures out what to do about me. And you know what, that’s just sad.

Oh! I babbled too much about this whole IO thing. Moving along… Saturday night Jason & I went to Space Center Houston. They have a camp-in overnight program for the Cub Scouts. It was great. We had about 15 boys there from our Pack, and they took us as a group to see some of the exhibits more up close & personal, with a private tour. Then we got to do different activities - learn facts about the planets; make a star chart so we could check out the stars; learn about constellations; learn about satellites. Then we got to sleep there. On the floor. Cozy. In the Starship Gallery area, by the mock-ups that were used for astronaut training - the Skylab 1-G Trainer and the ApolloSoyuz Docking Module Trainer. It was sooooooo cool. Really. Ok, the floor wasn’t cozy. But it was still cool. Then they woke us up this morning just like they do the astronauts - with music. We got to pack up, clean up, get breakfast, and then over to the Imax Theatre to watch “To Be an Astronaut”. After that we took the JSC Facilities Tram Tour where we got to see the X-38 Emergency Escape Craft that we are building for the Space Station. It was pretty neat. It was also amazing to just go past the building that contains Mission Control. “Houston, we have a problem…” Wow. All the history that has taken place there. Then when we got back to the Space Center we did everything else that you can do. My feet are killing me - but it was a terrific day. I am so glad we went. Now I want to go back!

Off to watch the rest of the awards, and to answer my e-mail from my ad online. His life is going on - so will mine… why shouldn’t it? Julia Roberts just won Best Actress for “Erin Brockovich”. I thought the film was great, and she was great in it. I didn’t think she would win though. Too “mainstream” - but I am really happy for her. She looks fabulous!

Stay tuned. I am sure the soap opera of my life is far from over!

Know what, Julie? It sure feels good to be writing again. I know I should have been all along, but you guys would have been bored to DEATH if I had just sat here and babbled non-stop about the IO. Naomi can vouch for me, I have been sort of obsessed & stuck on one topic lately. I thank her on a daily basis for being a great sounding board. Not sure where I would be if she wasn’t around to listen.

The IO was weird and moody on Wednesday, but more “normal” on Thursday. We are going out tonight. No idea where - unlike last week, he doesn’t seem too concerned about it. Which brings me right back to my previous debate… do I want him back in my life? I know I miss having him around. It’s “easy” in the sense that we have known each other for 8 years - sometimes getting to know someone new stinks. But then again, we have had lots of water go under the bridge in 8 years. Lots of water has gone OVER the bridge - the poor bridge has been all but washed away more then once. I am not sure if it is structurally sound. Maybe that is why I am feeling so rattled and unstable lately about all of this. So, you know what I decided to do? I decided that it is to early to start burning my other bridges. I had been writing and talking with one guy (I posted a personals ad to shop for a man back in January) for a few weeks. We haven’t met in person yet. Since the 13th, I had sort of slacked off on writing him - I still wrote, but not with the same zest. I decided that as long as chicky-poo is still in IO’s life, it is silly of me to *not* be writing. I also had had a few new responses that I hadn’t answered, so I took the time to write those guys too. It made me feel good! I had slacked off before, and I will still take things slow, because of the fact that it doesn’t make much sense to get in to talking with them and then to work things out with the IO.

I just have to figure out if it is the IO that I miss or being in a relationship. Being apart for 2 months, it is easy to gloss over the bad points, but as we spend time together again, the past is losing it’s shine.

Moving on to a new subject - my movie reviews for this weekend’s upcoming movies! This new “Heartbreakers” movie looks sort of lame, but Sigourney Weaver looks really good in it. Don’t think it would be worth $6.50 for a ticket. Maybe on cable. “Say it Isn’t So” looks really lame. Not worth watching on cable. “The Brothers” looks pretty funny though, I am adding that to my “try to see” list - I would be willing to pay for a ticket. They just gave it a B+ rating on the news too.

Darn. I wanted my free Taco from Taco Bell. More importantly, our boss said he would take the whole company to lunch at Pappasito’s if the Mir hit that target. Man!